Attitude central

As a worker in the emergency sector your faced with all kinds of dilemmas, problems, and life in general. I volunteer my time to help those in need dutifully turn up for training and go home at the end of my shift to continue to raising my family in the best way I know how. Last night annoyed me, I decided after training to go to Mc crap, alright McDonalds for the corporate commercialist, order a hot chocolate and debrief on the finer things in life with a colleague. So far so good, whilst standing there (non uniformed) I observed a 15/16 year old female dressed in her pyjamas! (Of all things) at 10pm at night shouting obscenities and rudely demanding that they work faster, now this girl did not look like she had worked a day in her life and being slightly judgemental when I say this but also that she never will, the attitude oozing out of her was enough for me to say “and I suppose you know how it’s done?” Here we have it a girl in her pjs with a serious problem. The thing is that today we allow this, gone are the times where our kids were in bed at a respectable hour, we knew where they were, cellphones were not thought of and your kids were polite and respectful to all. You got up for the elderly lady on the bus, you assisted a person who was short on cash, and you donated to the food bank for those less fortunate to yourself. Now we allow our kids to roam free for fear of the government telling us that we are breaking their “bill of rights” unable to discipline our children because its “abuse” and when we catch them lying or stealing we are invading their “privacy” but its not just our kids that are falling victim to this bent way of thinking, don’t get me wrong I am all for freedom of choice, but what does freedom mean when they turn criminal and everything is handed to them on a silver platter? Then what have they learnt? That its okay to beat people
Up in the street and get three meals a day, a roof over your head a university course paid for by the taxpayer and a car when you get out. It’s okay to kill and be out in 6 months with same benefits. Then we wonder why they reoffend. I am slightly angry that yes I protect people, I pick them up at their worst but above all I am annoyed that we as parents are failing on a generation more than anything needs help to get through, older wiser and onwards.

Fire and ice the cost of your past

I’m being followed around right now by a pesky wasp determined to eat the last of my Cadbury cream egg from Easter, whilst my hips scream “no, give in to the wasp” my mind it saying “screw the wasp and eat the egg!” But this is not a post about weigh loss, although in some ways it kind of is. The weight of your life and its emotional, physiological burden can sometimes be just as heavy as the cream egg I am holding, if not more. I ventured to my garage this morning determined to rid myself of that burden (see similar post on life in a box) and stood at a loss at how little I really own, how after going through my “storage” boxes how much I didn’t really need. Ruthless is the word, as I parted with many memories collecting dust, rat poo and now forgotten. Those same items that once brought a lot of joy remind me instead of heart ache, heart break and despair. It’s not a path I want to recall, instead it becomes a path I choose to learn from, as I lit the fire that burnt my beloved treasures to the ground, I walk away tears filled my eyes as the realisation that a new change is appearing, there was little I could do about the jaded path. I am free now, free from the tangled mess that kept me so well locked in. Yes that wasp is still buzzing around but I am over my egg now, one bite one box.

Milk in the cupboard..

Today was a great day, great deal done, then the text of destruction came through, in fact it never ceases to amaze me the lack of thinking that goes into a text before one sends it, whether they realise the amount of turmoil those few words mean, or the life that they they themselves have chosen to destroy. (Then blame you for a choice you made two years ago). Today my sons father chose to send that text, not the “I hate you, you ruined my life” one, but close enough to it. It quite simply said “I know longer wish to see my son on a regular basis once a month is fine” this coming form a man who see’s his son every weekend, when asked why he wants to change I was told “he takes up too much of my time” now really?! Excuse me for thinking that you helped produce something you so desperately wanted but now all of a sudden it’s altering your life? What about his???! I am a little mad, there are dads out there who really want to see their kids but can’t for whatever reason and here is one pushing his aside. Today I learnt valuable lessons, I understood to myself that it really is just “me” now, he is my world and always has been, but now I am really “it” I look at his cherub face and guilty seeps into my being how could his dad do this? With a flood of questions penetrating my brain, such as “doesn’t he realise how precious he is?, why does he want to walk away from this? I know I made a choice to be with someone else but I married that someone else and can now provide better for my son, I work hard to give him everything I can, and yet sometimes I feel like I am on a boat
Floating away from reality. This new partner of my ex, doesn’t much like children and was overheard saying “oh do we have to have him?” My son is two he is not a handful, he is energetic and beautiful, very clever and just a pleasure to be around yet this so called woman cannot accept him. I am over ranting I guess I am just mad, probably why my milk was put in the cupboard not the fridge today but i am also disappointed and sad. Now I stand strong, for my beliefs for my son and will fight till this battle is won. As this ex will lose, the respect and the trust of the one person who really loved him his son.